Dear diary,
I met a boy
He is the illusion of which i dream. He is a beautiful afterthought of all the words of love left unspoken. Loving him is exactly like breathing. How can i stop?
His presence, so strange and wonderful, seemed to fill the room and press against me. I didn’t think I’d ever sleep again.
The first time I heard you laugh, I only wanted to say funny things, and so you would always be laughing.
You know what happens to chocolate when you leave it out in the sun? I’m that unfortunate chocolate and you, you are the laughing sun.
For this reason, I am offering myself to you not as a martyr or some selfless fool, but as a self-indulgent moth who actively pursues the light without much fear for the flame. The moth who revels in the heat and declares: “Burn me.”
I dream of going to places with you and waking up with you everyday. Someday, I wish all of these hopes would come true.
To be your friend was all I ever wanted; to be your lover was all I ever dreamed.
God, i am so obsessed it's becoming so unhealthy. But i dont want to be healthy, i want you. I want your time, your smile, your hug. Everything. I want you to be mine.
Love, Arika.
...
Aku menutup buku diary-ku. Ku peluk erat-erat, membayangkan bahwa buku itu adalah dirinya. Betapa hangat dan nyaman. Seperti langit biru yang cerah. Dan kau adalah awan yang menghiasi langit itu. Melindungi bumi dari panasnya matahari. Membawakan rintik hujan kemanapun kau pergi. Membasahi tanah, memberikan kehidupan. Aku lah si langit, si tanah, dan kehidupannya. You completed me.
Mataku menutup perlahan. Alam bawah sadarku ditarik oleh sebuah tangan yang sangat familiar. Tangan seseorang yang kucintai, membawaku menuju sebuah pantai. Sungguh indah. Matahari perlahan menutup wajahnya dan bersembunyi di garis laut. Sinarnya menyebar di langit, membuat lukisan-lukisan hidup yang tak ternilai harganya.
Namun, semua itu tidak menarik perhatianku. Mataku terus memandangmu. Tanganku dipegang erat-erat seperti kau takut kehilangan diriku. Ia menarikku untuk duduk di pasir kekuningan yang bersih dan berkilau terkena sisa-sisa sinar matahari. Ku jatuhkan kepalaku di pundaknya. Ia mengusap kepalaku dengan lembut. "I love you, Arika."
"I love you too, Haidar."
